May 3, 2009
 
On Friday night, I came across this article regarding several cave closures due to a fungal epidemic that is decimating the bat population to the tune of 500,000 bats.  Although I'm concerned about the ecological impact that may arise from such a loss of population in these benign, mosquito-eating, flying mammals, I couldn't help but laugh at the article and the facts stated therein.  You see, they are calling this detrimental fungus "white-nose syndrome".
Now, maybe I'm giving myself away as the depraved libertine that I am, but only one thing comes to mind then I see the words "white-nose syndrome".  Am I alone in this?  I though not.
 
Researchers believe it is spread "from bat to bat" and that the reason this "fungus" kills the bats is "because it affects their hibernation habits, causing them to starve."
 
Let's review:
1.  Overactive nervous system resulting in lack of sleep and disruption of chiroptera circadian rhythms.
2.  Loss of appetite
3.  White powder residue on the nose. 
 
Um...guys?  I think your bats are coking up.
 
I was also impressed by the mention of Peter Youngbaer, who aptly noted that "many people who explore caves don't belong to organized groups." Mr. Youngbaer happens to hold the honorable title of "white nose syndrome liaison for the National Speleological Society."  Does that make him the Manuel Noriega of the bat and cave milieu?  And does he put that on his business card?  
 
Finally, the article implies that cave closings will take place on National Forest Service land and that, so far, commercial enterprises on private property will not be affected.   It would seem, you creepy little winged critters, that there is a loophole through which you can continue your drug-running bat cocaine cartel.